Food for the Brain 6

In my last days of Junior year and throughout my Senior year I became interested in Mills and Boon books. I don't read the modern Mills and Boon. I'm referring to the old ones. It's quite a good thing our school library had them. I enjoyed reading the different love stories and I loved how I was introduced into an earlier era of simple luxuries and technology-less world.

The one above caught my attention while reading one of the books. Isn't that what we all want? To be important? To be wanted? It's what everybody wants I'm sure. Sometimes, we think that we are loved and think of ourselves as someone important and when we find out that we we're not, it's life-shattering and makes us doubt our beliefs. We react in different ways. I guess when we know we are loved even if it's just one person, it'd be enough to face the world again.

Envy

It's one of the cardinal sins you know.

I am envious of many things. I wish I could stop being envious but it's hard. I envy other people's lives who seem to have everything going great for them. I end up wishing that I had a life like their own. Like everyday is an adventure and having the time of your life. Like in movies and books. It's kind of depressing always wanting stuff. I try to remind myself not to compare myself to others but most times I just can't help it. I can't seem to ignore the things they have that I lack. I just can't help noticing them.

There's a girl I know and envy who will be known as Jessica. I graduated as valedictorian when I was in 6th grade. Of course going into high school there'd be a lot of changes but in my mind I always thought I'd be like the highest in our batch. I dare say I was acknowledged by my teachers as a bright and good student. But all that changed when Jessica transfered to my school. She took away the spotlight as I'd like to think it. I know I sound like a mean girl who got outshined by the new girl but I can't put it any other way. She was beautiful, talented and truly intelligent. She was like a genius you know. And she was near perfection. She had it all-the beauty, the brain and the attitude. The kind of student teachers would admire. She was always the highest and even graduated as valedictorian in high school. I envy her because of those things. Why couldn't I be like her?

There are two other girls whom I envy. "Christy" is my senior and "Kammy" is my junior. What they both have in common is beauty. I'm telling you these girls are so pretty and quite popular. They seemed to look good in anything and can pull off any outfit. I wish I was that pretty. I'm pathetic. I don't know much about them but I do know that Christy is rich but also smart. She's like a young English lady. Elegant and polished. Then there's Kammy. She's the kind of girl everybody loves. She has a bestfriend she've known since I don't know when. They remind me of those friendship movies where you were one lucky gal if you ever meet such a friend. Kammy's also like one of the boys. She hangs out with them doing boy stuff but she ain't a tomboy.

I sound so pathetic telling this but I can't help it. I feel like I'm insignificant whenever I feel their presence. I guess this is what you get when you compare yourself to others. You're bound to find something not pleasant.

Food for the Brain 5

Kids. They are quite fascinating little beings. Truth be told, I'm scared of them. I know they are so cute and all but I'd rather just admire them from afar. I'm scared of what they are going to say. It could be anything. They could bluntly tell or ask you things that will sometimes take you by surprise. We can learn a lot from them, you know. But a sad truth is that some children are in an environment where they can't realize their potential. I mean their minds are corrupted. They've been exposed to too much wrongness that they become these little bastards. That may sound mean but that's what I think. I'm sorry. I wish all children are provided a safe and friendly environment.

Fashion Inspiration

Something I found pretty. Russian vintage is what comes to my mind when I see these.

Unsatisfaction

I want so many things right now. I seem to always want something. I wish I could be contented with what I have but I can't. I'm always unsatisfied. Wanting something that I can't have really sucks because it just makes me sad. Why can't the world just give us what we want? Why can't we have everything for free? Why can't the world be a wish-granting factory? 

I've been taught that life is not about the material things. What matters most in this world can't be seen and it can't be bought. The important things are not easy to acquire. We have to work hard for them. I still can't grasp the whole concept of what's our purpose in this world but can't we at least enjoy the time we have here? I mean, yes, we've heard that we have to make the best at what we have. But I really want to try so many things but I can't afford them. I'm not a resourceful and creative person. I can't look at a certain object and think of the many different things I could make it out to be. What I want to do requires money and time. Two things I don't quite have. 

I want to make a book filled with pictures and quotes. I can't do that yet because I don't have money for printing. I want to bake but I can't because I don't have the money for the ingredients. I want to read books but I'm bombarded with works that are taking up too much of my time. I want to go to Europe but I can't because I don't have money. I don't know if it's possible that a person (assuming he's a regular, not rich, person) can do all that but I can't. I want to but I can't. I seem to have all these excuses. The things I want to do are pretty harmless so why is it so hard to make them attainable?

I'm just so confused. Am I making myself suffer? By wanting so many things, do I make myself disappointed? I'm telling you again, what I want are pretty harmless. Why can't I do them already? Is it because I don't have the determination? Is it because I don't take action? Probably... I'm just confused and disappointed, is all.

A Place of my Own

I have never had a place all to myself, let alone a room of my own. Since I was little, I've been sharing with the family. I never got to experience decorating my room as to what I like. A person who never got to experience having an own room would naturally want to have one just like how a girl with a straight hair would want to have a curly hair or how a a tall person would like to be short. 

So, yes. Growing up, I've longed for a room of my own but I still haven't got it yet. Due to some circumstances, I'm stuck sharing a room with my brother. I'm in a house with my cousins. But you know what I've realized? I realized that I may not be ready to live on my own yet. I dream of having a house all to myself but I think living in it alone would be lonely. I have had moments when all of them are out and I'm the only one in the house. At times I'd feel happy because I got the place all to myself but sometimes I'd feel lonely. I guess I'm just not ready.

Even though I'm not gonna be purchasing any houses or apartments anytime soon, I seem to find myself planning what my place would look like. Right now I'm interested in small apartments. Various kinds of smallness. And when I say small, I mean really small. Just enough to fit in all the things I need. I find small apartments cute. The picture above is my attempt at interior designing, which I'm not good at all. I forgot how I came to this site but I'm glad I did. It lets me plan how a room should look like.

The thing I really want most right now is a room of my own--not a house but a room. I want to have that feeling of having my own property. A place I can call my own. A place where I can dump all my things. A place where I can have my privacy. A safe little haven.

#random

"Rid yourself of the idea that you are working for the teacher or the marks alone. Feel that what you study now will become your own accumulated wealth of knowledge that you yourself will use in the future."

You know, I used to be a very curious person. I wanted to know things, but I am now someone who doesn't really give a crap. I've become a person who thinks that nothing in life should be taken seriously. I wish I can be that curious person again.

Nature and Man

image from tumblr

We all know the world didn't end on December 21, 2012 because we're still here, right? So we go on to think that the world coming to an end is all just crap. That they are not true. That there is no such thing as end of the world. But think again. Maybe there is such a thing as the end of the human race. Some, or many of us, are not aware that our little seemingly harmless actions might be slowly destroying our Mother Earth. Small things like throwing garbage anywhere and driving cars that release carbon dioxide can contribute to the detriment of our planet or major things like illegal logging or dynamite fishing. We pay the price for our own doings. I hear news of storms and floods and earthquakes and I think that it's our planet giving us what we deserve.

We have to start caring for our planet. We have to be responsible and do what's right. I'm not sure if humans will exist in this world forever but I think the least we can do is care for our planet and do everything we can to preserve it.

The only reason I'm writing this post is because lately it has been colder than usual. Normally, I don't get too cold easily but nowadays, it's quite different. Maybe it's just the climate and all but maybe there's another reason behind this. And also because I find the image too good not to post.

Brain's Taking a Dump

I've got a lot of things on my mind right now. I sometimes think that my brain's going to blow up if I start thinking about them again. The thing is this week has been one h*ll of a week for me. There were lots of works to be done and I didn't get as much sleep as I wanted to. I'm so looking forward to the weekend so that I might have a break even if it's just for a day.

So here are a few happenings, realizations, or whatever in my life this week:

• We cannot control everything. Sometimes the best way to go is to let things just happen and see where it takes us. We sometimes feel that we have to be in control of things so that everything will go the way we want it but being a control freak will only cause stress and disappointment, because not all things are meant to be controlled. 

• A friend of mine commented that maybe I was part of some kind of a royal family because of my look and actions and that maybe I was just being silent about it. This actually made me happy. I don't get a lot of compliments like this. Actually, it hit me that I was not the only one who thinks that other people might have a secret identity. I sometimes make up stories about the people around me whose qualities I find unique and interesting.

• If we want to do something, the best time to do it is NOW! We shouldn't wait for the right time and all that bullshark. You see, I have this tendency to think things over. For example, I want to bake but I have all these reasons that prevents me from doing what I want, like not having an oven or not having money to buy the ingredients or not having the time. I tend to tell myself that I'll do it once I have the money and time. This kind of thinking does nothing. Another example is I want to wear something stylish. But you know what I do? I wait for the right time to wear it. The right time that is never gonna come. So that's why we have to do things NOW rather than later. Live in the moment because we never know what will happen next, cliche as it may sound. 

• What if you suddenly find out that your time here on earth is almost up? Like you suddenly find out that you have cancer. It's quite sad, right? Knowing it's almost the end. That there are things you'll never get to do. We have to live life to the fullest so that there will be no regrets. Take every opportunity that comes because we don't know if we'll ever get something like that again. We should live like there's no tomorrow. 

• Some sayings may be cliche and overly used, but there's always a truth in them.

• My mind's cleared up a little after writing this. :)

A New Year

2012 has passed and 2013 has come. It's a whole new year of making new beginnings and a time to make a fresh start. It's amazing how time flies. I can't believe 2012 is over. So much has happened last year and I made it out okay. Survived the many challenges and I'm quite proud of myself for that.

I don't have any particular resolution for this year. I didn't make any because many times I've tried and didn't get to cross out any of the things listed. So I'm just gonna go with the flow and see what this year has in store for me. I hope I can do many things this year. I'd like to accomplish many tasks and try something new once in a while. I hope I have enough courage and hardwork to make my dreams come true and to make this year my best year yet.