Take that Jump

I remember this one time when my family and I went to a waterfall place. It was a beautiful place. There were other people there so it was kind of crowded. There was also this big rock by the river. Some were standing on it, waiting for there turn to jump into the water. I saw this boy jumped to the water without any hesitation. Then he went for the rock again.

I, on the other hand, was too scared to try (Need I say that some were younger than me?). But I found myself standing on it. I guess I was curious enough to try but I stayed there for a long time. I couldn't jump. I just stood there staring at the water thinking of a million things that could go wrong. I mean, what if the water was not deep enough and I got hurt? What if I drown? So many "What if?" ran in my mind. I was held up by fear. Anyway, I stood there for a long time. People were jumping and coming back for more while I just stood there.

I finally gathered the courage to do it. I moved to the edge, took a deep breath, and then took that jump. I let out a small scream and shut my eyes tight. I felt great. I finally did it. I conquered my fear. And all the worries were for nothing. I wanted to do it again. But when I resurfaced, I heard my parents calling it was time to go. When I knew I had to go, I felt confused. Should I be happy that I managed to conquer it? That I was able to overcome something like that? Or should I feel regret? Regret because it took me so long to just do it. Had I just taken that jump without any worrying, would I be doing it several times over by then?

All Skin

The kind of environment we are in affects our appearance. Okay, maybe it's general knowledge that a place will have an effect on people's appearance but I can't seem to get over that fact. I mean Americans have a different skin type from the Koreans and they are different from the Filipinos, too. I can't help but notice how people of a certain descent moves to live in another country and when they come for a visit in their home country, they look different. You'd actually know they weren't from around there. And then we also have people living in the same country but have different kinds of appearances. There would be people who have dark, dirty skin I see in a lot of street people. There are also people who looks a certain look. And there are these people who look like they came from somewhere else because they seem to have the perfect look like the ones you'd see in movies. They have the perfect skin.

I don't know. Maybe it's because of social status; not only because of the genes. Like the kind of upbringing one had, the food one eats and the clothes one can afford have something to do with how one looks. Or maybe it's all about taking good care of one's health and having the right confidence. I don't know if what I'm writing makes sense but I seem to notice that some people have this look that I wish I could achieve. It's all in the skin really. As I'd like to put it: "Anybody with good skin can look good in anything."

Little Women

"I am fond of luxury."

"There are many Beths in the world, shy and quiet, sitting in corners till needed, and living for others so cheerfully, that no one sees the sacrifices till the little cricket on the hearth stops chirping and the sweet, sunshiny presence vanishes, leaving silence and shadow behind."

"...for conceit spoils the finest genius."

"...the great charm of all power is modesty."

"You won't show the soft side of you character; and if a fellow gets a look at it by accident, and can't help showing that he likes it, you treat him as Mrs. Grummidge did her sweetheart; throw cold water over him, and get so thorny no one dares touch or look at you."

"I wish it was as easy for me to do the little things to please people, as it is for you. I think of them, but it takes too much time to do them; so I wait for a chance to confer a big favor, and let the small ones slip; but they tell best in the end, I guess."

"I suppose it's natural to some people to please without trying, and others to always say and do the wrong thing in the wrong place."

" They did feel it, yet neither spoke of it; for often between ourselves and those nearest and dearest to us there exists a reserve which it is very hard to overcome."

"She recognized the beauty of her sister's life- uneventful, unambitious, yet full of the genuine virtues... The self-forgetfulness that makes the humblest on earth remembered soonest in heaven."

"Some people seemed to get all sunshine, and some all shadow."

Evolution of Time

I sometimes wonder what will happen in the future. I mean times are changing. We're slowly leaving a time when things were simpler to a time where technology dominates and the ways of people are changing. People forget the ways of the past and new practices and beliefs are emerging. I know it has always been this way since the dawn of time. There is always going to be these transitions. I've only read it in books how life before were so different. So for me, this time it feels different because I'm a part of it now. I'm actually living and going through these changes. And I'm scared. Scared because I don't think I'm ready to face this new world yet. Scared because values of the past are slowly being forgotten and I don't like how children of this generation are becoming. Scared because I like the old times just fine and then suddenly these new changes come along that I don't fully welcome.

Here are some pictures I googled showing the evolution of things:

We don't know for sure what the future will be like but it is up to us people to decide what we want it to be. Because it is in our hands that we can mold the world however we want it to be. We have that power. I just hope people don't forget the past and will remain to uphold the values of the previous eras. Not to get lost on all the new things.

My Turf

Sometimes, I can't get this image of me sitting in a comfortable couch drinking hot chocolate all alone in the living room, out of my mind. It just pops up out of nowhere and it makes me wish I had a place of my own. I know I've said that I don't think I'm ready to live on my own yet but I want the feeling of comfort I constantly imagine if I had my own place.

I'm the sort of person who wants to start things on a clean slate. If a house is in a bad condition, like leaking pipes and holes in walls, the only solution I can think of is renovating the whole house. I wouldn't call a plumber to fix the pipes or a carpenter to fix the walls. I'd immediately want the whole thing being done over again. Now, this kind of thinking is not easy because it's gonna need a lot of money and time, something I don't really have. I guess I'm just OC that way. So I think getting a place for myself would be a swell idea! Not only do I get to choose where I'm staying but I also get to pick items I'm going to put in there. I can fill it with stuff I like and I can do whatever I want because it's MINE!

I can just imagine all the things I will do there. I can walk barefoot anywhere since my place is going to be clean. Or I can dance to my heart's content without any fear of anyone seeing me. Or I can walk around in my underwear. Or I can have movie nights and cry freely when the movies are oh-so-heartbreaking. Or I can bake cupcakes and cakes and make a mess of my kitchen. Or I can take long, hot showers. Or I can leave things in places knowing that when I get home, they'll still be there. Or I can have these DIY projects for my place. Or I can do nothing but watch movies all day long while eating potato chips. The freedom I get to have with having something I call my own.

Maybe part of the reason I'm writing this is because I'm not really happy with where I'm staying. I mean I'm grateful I get to have a shelter and all but there's just these certain things that prevent me from feeling that total comfort I've imagined in my head. In the meantime, I'll just have to make the best at what I have (something I'm not good at actually) seeing that it's a far fetch dream.

Selflessness and Genuineness

It always amazes me how I can never forget that certain event that happened years ago. I was around 8 years old and was in school. I don't remember all the details but I had this classmate who was crying because he had no snack. I think his food fell on the floor or he lost his money, I can't remember. And I remember going to the canteen, buying a cupcake and giving it to him. Now, the thing with memories sometimes is that they're not that reliable so I'm not 100% sure that that's exactly what happened. Maybe what really happened was that I was the reason his food fell and out of guilty conscience bought him a cupcake to compensate. But everytime that memory flash out of nowhere, I am astonished at how I did not hesitate at all to buy him something even if it meant me not eating because I spent my money for him. The mere act of genuine concern is what moves me. I don't think I do that now, helping others without expecting anything in return. The opportunity never presented itself or maybe I chose to ignore it. I think it's hard to find many people doing things for others out of genuine concern but I know they still exist. It's just that we don't notice them. 

Food for the Brain 7

Some people seem to have things easy for them while others seem to be struggling just to make it at the end of each day. Others seem to find it easy pleasing people, saying and doing the right things. They need not worry about making a great impression because it comes naturally to them. I wish I was that kind of person. I wish I could be confident. That's why I find it hard to do things like pleasing people even in little ways because I just don't think I have a talent for it. It's hard for me. I tell myself that I'll repay that person for the good things he/she has done to me in a big way, thinking that by doing so I have repaid that person that equates to what he/she has done for me. But the problem with that kind of thinking is that a long time may have passed before you could actually return the favor. And it might be too late.

The only thing I can advice anyone is to be themselves. Don't try too hard to make a good impression or to please others. If they like you for you, then that's the greatest compliment you can get. Like what they say, better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not.

Little Lessons in Life

We can't have everything.

I have to accept the fact that I can't have it all. I have to learn to accept things the way they are and try to be contented with them. I shouldn't wish for something that's not there or wish for something just because another person has it. And I can't keep comparing what I have to what other people have. It'll only make me sad because there's always going to be something that they have that I don't. The point here is that I should accept things and be happy with them. How I wish it could be easily done!

There is still something good in this world. 

No matter how much life seems to be oh so crappy, there's still something good to look forward to. Things may not be going as planned. Everyone and everything may seem utterly stupid. But something good will eventually come. Or maybe I just have to take a second and look around me to see it. It comes in all sizes, be it the little things or the big ones. I just have to remember that.

Don't be afraid of what people will think of you.

Everytime I come across this, I tell myself that I should do that but it's a hard thing to do. I can't help not worry about what the others think of me. I want them to like me. I want them to think that I am good enough. I want them to think I'm cool. So I do all these things just for them to like me even if it means pretending to be someone I'm not. I know I only end up limiting myself. Limiting myself because I don't allow myself to do something else for fear that they might think it's not 'cool'.

It's time I do what I want. Be who I am. I have to stop pretending. I have to stop living a life full of lies and pretensions. It's time to be real. What does it matter if I do something not cool? It's my life. I can do anything I like because in the end I only have myself to answer. I want that when I look back, I'll have no regrets because I did what I wanted to do.

There is no such thing as the right time.

See here.

Everyday is an opportunity to do things. The idea that I can do things NOW sometimes crosses my mind out of the blue and I'm struck by the realization that yes, I can bake some cookies now or I can go out and take a walk now. But what stops me from doing these things is laziness. I tell myself that I have to wait for the right time because doing them immediately seems wrong. I think that it has to take time til I can feel that it's the right time. But guess what? That feeling never comes. I just fooled myself. I missed my chance and when I'll look back on my life, I'm gonna realize that I missed a lot because I waited to do things.

Childhood Shows

During my childhood days, the television was my source of entertainment at home. The internet and Iphone and Ipad didn't exist yet at that time. I remember watching a lot of animes and cartoons back then. I think shows of my time were definitely a lot better compared to today. Although people always say their generation is better than the others, who can say?

Posting some of the shows I watched.

Ultra Maniac; Angelic Layer; Rayearth Magic Knight; Cardcaptor
Sakura; Fushigi Yuugi; Doraemon

Captain Planet; Popeye; Dragon Ball; Detective
Conan; Hunter x Hunter; Beyblade; Get Backers; 
Slam Dunk; Yugi Oh

Pokemon; Ed, Edd n Eddy; Scooby Doo; Fillmore; Mr. Bean; Recess

Make Way for Noddy; Madeline; PB&J Otter; Tiny Planets; Baby
Looney Tunes Show; Kids Next Door; Kim Possible; Lilo and Stitch;
Totally Spies

*insert* Courage The Cowardly Dog and The Mask

Flame of Recca; Ranma 1/2; Mirmo de Pon; Yu Yu Hakusho; Art
Attack; Blue's Clues

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

"Sometimes people use thought to not participate in life."

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

"I just wanted someone to tell me the truth."

"You're a freak, you know that? You've always been a freak. Everyone says so. They always have."

"I feel infinite."

"You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand."

"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."

"I am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other."

"People who try to control situations all the time are afraid that if they don't, nothing will work out the way they want."