Unsatisfaction

I want so many things right now. I seem to always want something. I wish I could be contented with what I have but I can't. I'm always unsatisfied. Wanting something that I can't have really sucks because it just makes me sad. Why can't the world just give us what we want? Why can't we have everything for free? Why can't the world be a wish-granting factory? 

I've been taught that life is not about the material things. What matters most in this world can't be seen and it can't be bought. The important things are not easy to acquire. We have to work hard for them. I still can't grasp the whole concept of what's our purpose in this world but can't we at least enjoy the time we have here? I mean, yes, we've heard that we have to make the best at what we have. But I really want to try so many things but I can't afford them. I'm not a resourceful and creative person. I can't look at a certain object and think of the many different things I could make it out to be. What I want to do requires money and time. Two things I don't quite have. 

I want to make a book filled with pictures and quotes. I can't do that yet because I don't have money for printing. I want to bake but I can't because I don't have the money for the ingredients. I want to read books but I'm bombarded with works that are taking up too much of my time. I want to go to Europe but I can't because I don't have money. I don't know if it's possible that a person (assuming he's a regular, not rich, person) can do all that but I can't. I want to but I can't. I seem to have all these excuses. The things I want to do are pretty harmless so why is it so hard to make them attainable?

I'm just so confused. Am I making myself suffer? By wanting so many things, do I make myself disappointed? I'm telling you again, what I want are pretty harmless. Why can't I do them already? Is it because I don't have the determination? Is it because I don't take action? Probably... I'm just confused and disappointed, is all.

A Place of my Own

I have never had a place all to myself, let alone a room of my own. Since I was little, I've been sharing with the family. I never got to experience decorating my room as to what I like. A person who never got to experience having an own room would naturally want to have one just like how a girl with a straight hair would want to have a curly hair or how a a tall person would like to be short. 

So, yes. Growing up, I've longed for a room of my own but I still haven't got it yet. Due to some circumstances, I'm stuck sharing a room with my brother. I'm in a house with my cousins. But you know what I've realized? I realized that I may not be ready to live on my own yet. I dream of having a house all to myself but I think living in it alone would be lonely. I have had moments when all of them are out and I'm the only one in the house. At times I'd feel happy because I got the place all to myself but sometimes I'd feel lonely. I guess I'm just not ready.

Even though I'm not gonna be purchasing any houses or apartments anytime soon, I seem to find myself planning what my place would look like. Right now I'm interested in small apartments. Various kinds of smallness. And when I say small, I mean really small. Just enough to fit in all the things I need. I find small apartments cute. The picture above is my attempt at interior designing, which I'm not good at all. I forgot how I came to this site but I'm glad I did. It lets me plan how a room should look like.

The thing I really want most right now is a room of my own--not a house but a room. I want to have that feeling of having my own property. A place I can call my own. A place where I can dump all my things. A place where I can have my privacy. A safe little haven.

#random

"Rid yourself of the idea that you are working for the teacher or the marks alone. Feel that what you study now will become your own accumulated wealth of knowledge that you yourself will use in the future."

You know, I used to be a very curious person. I wanted to know things, but I am now someone who doesn't really give a crap. I've become a person who thinks that nothing in life should be taken seriously. I wish I can be that curious person again.