My Turf

Sometimes, I can't get this image of me sitting in a comfortable couch drinking hot chocolate all alone in the living room, out of my mind. It just pops up out of nowhere and it makes me wish I had a place of my own. I know I've said that I don't think I'm ready to live on my own yet but I want the feeling of comfort I constantly imagine if I had my own place.

I'm the sort of person who wants to start things on a clean slate. If a house is in a bad condition, like leaking pipes and holes in walls, the only solution I can think of is renovating the whole house. I wouldn't call a plumber to fix the pipes or a carpenter to fix the walls. I'd immediately want the whole thing being done over again. Now, this kind of thinking is not easy because it's gonna need a lot of money and time, something I don't really have. I guess I'm just OC that way. So I think getting a place for myself would be a swell idea! Not only do I get to choose where I'm staying but I also get to pick items I'm going to put in there. I can fill it with stuff I like and I can do whatever I want because it's MINE!

I can just imagine all the things I will do there. I can walk barefoot anywhere since my place is going to be clean. Or I can dance to my heart's content without any fear of anyone seeing me. Or I can walk around in my underwear. Or I can have movie nights and cry freely when the movies are oh-so-heartbreaking. Or I can bake cupcakes and cakes and make a mess of my kitchen. Or I can take long, hot showers. Or I can leave things in places knowing that when I get home, they'll still be there. Or I can have these DIY projects for my place. Or I can do nothing but watch movies all day long while eating potato chips. The freedom I get to have with having something I call my own.

Maybe part of the reason I'm writing this is because I'm not really happy with where I'm staying. I mean I'm grateful I get to have a shelter and all but there's just these certain things that prevent me from feeling that total comfort I've imagined in my head. In the meantime, I'll just have to make the best at what I have (something I'm not good at actually) seeing that it's a far fetch dream.

Selflessness and Genuineness

It always amazes me how I can never forget that certain event that happened years ago. I was around 8 years old and was in school. I don't remember all the details but I had this classmate who was crying because he had no snack. I think his food fell on the floor or he lost his money, I can't remember. And I remember going to the canteen, buying a cupcake and giving it to him. Now, the thing with memories sometimes is that they're not that reliable so I'm not 100% sure that that's exactly what happened. Maybe what really happened was that I was the reason his food fell and out of guilty conscience bought him a cupcake to compensate. But everytime that memory flash out of nowhere, I am astonished at how I did not hesitate at all to buy him something even if it meant me not eating because I spent my money for him. The mere act of genuine concern is what moves me. I don't think I do that now, helping others without expecting anything in return. The opportunity never presented itself or maybe I chose to ignore it. I think it's hard to find many people doing things for others out of genuine concern but I know they still exist. It's just that we don't notice them.